Three years ago (tomorrow to be exact) my twins were born. How grateful I am for these dear ones. I wanted to share a few excerpts from my journal written in June of 2006 when the twins were 7 months old. I always want my girls to know the story of their birth and a few of the many miracles we saw that allowed them to be with us today.
Avrie & Addie together for the first time since birth...Approximately 2 weeks old.
June 2006-
"I’ve been wanting to write the story of their birth for some time now and share my thoughts and feelings. I almost can’t…..the whole experience almost doesn’t seem real, but when I start to think about each event that lead up to their birth and their recovery home….I shudder to think how lucky I am to have these two little girls.
I’ve always heard that a twin pregnancy had more risks involved….The word “risk” never meant anything to me before. I understand now…I’m glad those risks were taken obviously or we wouldn’t have our two baby girls but I don’t know I’d ever take those risks again. Life is too fragile and I love my babies too much to put anybody at risk.....
My whole pregnancy was a cinch. I actually didn’t gain that much weight and sometimes wonder if that had anything to do with this but I’ll never know. My body felt great.....I went in for a routine 30 week appointment for an ultrasound…all tests previous were normal….I thought it was strange when the tech kept asking me all kinds of questions about diabetes, amniocentesis, etc. It was a Friday. (I'm pretty sure this was the day of Grandma Bev's funeral, which I obviously missed.) My doctor was concerned and said it was serious. I thought she was being dramatic. She had me go in for a repeat test on Monday. That weekend I got a blessing before Kermit went out of town for the week to Boston. Mondays test came… I knew something was really wrong by the way the tech was acting. I was waiting and waiting to see the head supervisor/doctor but then after waiting forever they just told me to go see my regular doctor. She wasn’t in so I saw Dr. A. As soon as he looked at the report he said, "you need to go to the hospital right now. Baby A is very sick. She has fluid all around the outside of her lungs and heart compressing them. Fluid should not be there…this is called hydrops and it is very serious…call your husband you are not going home." Kermit was in Boston and caught the first flight home.
He stayed the night with me in the hospital. Megan our babysitter, stayed at home with Annaliese. That night I started contracting! I was given some medicine to stop contractions. I was given steroid shots to help strengthen their lungs because it was looking like they were coming soon. We waited, the contractions stopped. I was there for 3 days and they watched very closely little Adeline’s condition. It seemed to be stable. The fluid was there and not going away but she wasn’t showing signs of being stressed. Her heart beat was great. We made a deal that I could go home if I agreed to come in everyday for ultrasound and non stress tests. I did that for 1 1/2 weeks. The fluid did increase very little at first but then tapered off. I had gotten comfortable going in to the hospital every day, expecting that I would hear the same news I had heard previous day....that "the fluid was there but it wasn't any worse, Adeline is fine, go home and rest, come back tomorrow." I was convinced that I could get to 36 weeks... Then on November 17th I went in for my daily routine checkup…the fluid had gown substantially. Now Adeline had fluid under her skin on her head! They said her heart was still strong but wanted me to go to labor and delivery just to keep an eye on her heart. I was calm…I was exactly 32 weeks. I was huge and uncomfortable. I fully expected to be able to go home to Annaliese and Kermit.I sobbed when the doctor came in and told me that they needed to induce me. Adeline just had to get out if she was going to get better. I sobbed. I had been so tough and kept my faith…but the reality of delivering a baby that was so sick truly was frightening to me. Adeline needed ME! As long as she was in me her heart could beat and she didn’t need her lungs. After birth she would have to rely on her own heart and lungs that were in such critical condition. I cried and cried. Kermit was in Racine, WI on business. He cancelled his meetings and headed home.
It was evening by the time he arrived if I remember. They had given me my pitocin…that I actually didn’t really need…my body had already started labor again on its own. When it came time to break my water…whew…that was the hardest ever…there was no turning back these babies were coming and I was freaking. I couldn’t have done it with out Kermit. I was so embarrassed to be crying the way I was but I couldn’t stop. It was the most awful feeling I've ever felt. These babies weren’t ready! Neither was I!
I got my epidural shortly thereafter. At 11pm my doctor came in to check on me. She said she had been up all night the night before and that she really needed to go back home to sleep….that we didn’t want her there on such little sleep. I was so sad because she had been so cool to us all along and had been such a support. She had taken time at the end her exhausting days to visit with me during her rounds while I was in the hospital…she loved Annaliese and was great to Kermit. She tried to help us come up with names…etc. Now when it was time to deliver she had to go home to sleep. I labored all night and into the morning. At 5 am (now November 18th) I felt the need to push. The nurse said no way, you were a 4 less than an hour ago….I asked her to please just go get somebody to check me…I had to ask a couple of times and she finally did…it was time!!! I was a 10 and ready to go. They wheeled me to the OR where 20 doctors and nurses were…. I’m not even kidding. Dr. M (my doctor) was one of them! =) She got the call and came straight over….5 hours was enough sleep for her she said. What a woman! Dr. H was also there…he had delivered Annaliese so I knew he was good too. There were nurses attending then about 5 doctors and nurses for each baby…add that all up and yep…about 18-20 people. I pushed with all my might to get Adeline out. I think it was about 20 minutes of pushing. At 5:35am Adeline was born. They held her up for me to see then went straight away to the doctors waiting to save her life. She looked like a chubby little cherub. A lot like the way I remember Annaliese looking at birth. I remember saying that I thought she looked like Annaliese. Avrie was transverse so the doctor with the smallest hands (a resident) reached in and grabbed her feet and pulled her out 3 minutes later! Whew! Avrie was so little. She was beat red. TINY and RED! She was also whisked away to the other side of the room where her team of doctors were waiting.
I had done it. I had had a “normal” delivery with no complications just as I had been promised in a blessing I had received. I kept remembering that. God had promised me a normal delivery and I had had one….Now my babies would be blessed to make it and that promise would also be kept.
Dr. H kept going over to where our babies were being worked on to try to give us an update. Adeline’s chest tubes had been placed and fluid was beginning to drain…it was straw colored. That is all we knew. We had no idea that the team of doctors working on her little body didn’t know if they would be able to save her. It was bad.
They wheeled her off to another area of the hospital without saying goodbye. A few minutes later Avrie wheeled by and paused to say goodbye before heading up. It was up to recovery for me.
I didn’t go down to the ICU to see them. I felt the doctors would do better without the blubbering mother over their shoulders. Kermit’s brother Gabe happened to be driving through town with Kermit’s mother to move her out west for the winter. Just as they arrived at the hospital our Bishop showed up as well. The three of them (Kermit, Gabe & Bishop) went down together to see the babies and to give them blessings. I remember asking Kermit to tell me what the blessing said…he said he didn’t remember.
Next it was my turn to go see the babies. Dr. Beverly R. had told us everything they had done to try to save Adeline. (I took comfort in her name. It was a reminder that my Grandma Beverly in heaven was near and caring for my babies as their angel.) Dr. Bev explained that she had placed the chest tubes and had given her air but she had seen Adeline “posture” or show signs of oxygen deprivation and seizure. The fluid was draining. Adeline was the sickest baby in the nursery. Dr. Bev flat out told us she didn’t know if Adeline would make it. They were doing everything they could. Tests were being done to see if they could figure out the cause of the hydrops. Things did not look optimistic.
Kermit and I finally went down to see our girls. No pictures were taken. It felt like too sacred a moment to photograph. Adeline was right at the first bed as you entered nursery 7. A huge oscilating ventilator was shaking her whole body as it pushed tiny puffs of air into her frail lungs. She was on a sedation medication that paralyzed her keeping her from moving. She had an IV that fed her veins straight to her heart. Her knees were up and open like a W. Naked sitting on an open diaper. Tubes from both sides draining fluid little by little. She looked lifeless. She was so pretty. Her skin beautiful. Her chub wasn’t chub though…it was the ademia or swelling from the fluid. She had to live. It was surreal.
Avrie was so little, so red, on no pain medication, wiggle, wiggle, mad. She seemed to respond to my voice. I cried. She wore goggles to cover her eyes, she was under lights for bilirubin. Her legs were like a pincushion. Doctors tried and tried to get a central line in to her premptivley but could never get a good vein. Her ventilator was down her throat as well just with normal air flow rather than like Adeline’s. Avrie looked mad and so uncomfortable. She cried but no sound could be made with the tubes down her throat. She only weighed 3 lbs. 5 oz. 16 inches. Little. Neither girl looked good.
The next day we met again with a different doctor with a new update. Dr. __(Can't remember his name)___ had told us that in the teams had pulled out every trick they knew to help Adeline make it…he said that usually when they have to use these “tricks” as he called them they are able to tell immediately which intervention was the one that makes the difference…in the case of Adeline…they weren’t sure which one of their interventions caused her to turn around. Adeline was rallying beyond belief…stunning all those who had been present at her delivery. We know which intervention it was…her blessing. Though Kermit doesn’t remember the words he uttered in her blessing…he remembered that he felt she would be healed. She indeed was on her way.
It wasn’t more than a few days before Adeline was taken off the oscillator ventilator and moved to a nasal canula. It was a few weeks before she could be held due to the chest tubes….finally they came out and she was able to be held. She was getting stronger day by day. She was passing Avrie up in breathing and before long eating. She was started off on Portagen…a formula easier to digest than breast milk. Tests came back…no cause for the hydrops could be found. No evidence in brain scans of seizure, her heart strong, this little girl was strong and going to make it!
Avrie plugged away…breathing was never easy for her, eating never easy, keeping warm wasn’t easy. She was little. She wasn’t ready to be born but had to make due. One thing every nurse that cared for her said…this little girl is a wiggler! YES, I know! My ribs would agree! Every visit to the hospital Avrie always greeted us with wide eyes busy checking us out. Adeline was always asleep. The same is true today…Adeline my good sleeper…Avrie too busy looking around to sleep! =)
"I’ve been wanting to write the story of their birth for some time now and share my thoughts and feelings. I almost can’t…..the whole experience almost doesn’t seem real, but when I start to think about each event that lead up to their birth and their recovery home….I shudder to think how lucky I am to have these two little girls.
I’ve always heard that a twin pregnancy had more risks involved….The word “risk” never meant anything to me before. I understand now…I’m glad those risks were taken obviously or we wouldn’t have our two baby girls but I don’t know I’d ever take those risks again. Life is too fragile and I love my babies too much to put anybody at risk.....
My whole pregnancy was a cinch. I actually didn’t gain that much weight and sometimes wonder if that had anything to do with this but I’ll never know. My body felt great.....I went in for a routine 30 week appointment for an ultrasound…all tests previous were normal….I thought it was strange when the tech kept asking me all kinds of questions about diabetes, amniocentesis, etc. It was a Friday. (I'm pretty sure this was the day of Grandma Bev's funeral, which I obviously missed.) My doctor was concerned and said it was serious. I thought she was being dramatic. She had me go in for a repeat test on Monday. That weekend I got a blessing before Kermit went out of town for the week to Boston. Mondays test came… I knew something was really wrong by the way the tech was acting. I was waiting and waiting to see the head supervisor/doctor but then after waiting forever they just told me to go see my regular doctor. She wasn’t in so I saw Dr. A. As soon as he looked at the report he said, "you need to go to the hospital right now. Baby A is very sick. She has fluid all around the outside of her lungs and heart compressing them. Fluid should not be there…this is called hydrops and it is very serious…call your husband you are not going home." Kermit was in Boston and caught the first flight home.
He stayed the night with me in the hospital. Megan our babysitter, stayed at home with Annaliese. That night I started contracting! I was given some medicine to stop contractions. I was given steroid shots to help strengthen their lungs because it was looking like they were coming soon. We waited, the contractions stopped. I was there for 3 days and they watched very closely little Adeline’s condition. It seemed to be stable. The fluid was there and not going away but she wasn’t showing signs of being stressed. Her heart beat was great. We made a deal that I could go home if I agreed to come in everyday for ultrasound and non stress tests. I did that for 1 1/2 weeks. The fluid did increase very little at first but then tapered off. I had gotten comfortable going in to the hospital every day, expecting that I would hear the same news I had heard previous day....that "the fluid was there but it wasn't any worse, Adeline is fine, go home and rest, come back tomorrow." I was convinced that I could get to 36 weeks... Then on November 17th I went in for my daily routine checkup…the fluid had gown substantially. Now Adeline had fluid under her skin on her head! They said her heart was still strong but wanted me to go to labor and delivery just to keep an eye on her heart. I was calm…I was exactly 32 weeks. I was huge and uncomfortable. I fully expected to be able to go home to Annaliese and Kermit.I sobbed when the doctor came in and told me that they needed to induce me. Adeline just had to get out if she was going to get better. I sobbed. I had been so tough and kept my faith…but the reality of delivering a baby that was so sick truly was frightening to me. Adeline needed ME! As long as she was in me her heart could beat and she didn’t need her lungs. After birth she would have to rely on her own heart and lungs that were in such critical condition. I cried and cried. Kermit was in Racine, WI on business. He cancelled his meetings and headed home.
It was evening by the time he arrived if I remember. They had given me my pitocin…that I actually didn’t really need…my body had already started labor again on its own. When it came time to break my water…whew…that was the hardest ever…there was no turning back these babies were coming and I was freaking. I couldn’t have done it with out Kermit. I was so embarrassed to be crying the way I was but I couldn’t stop. It was the most awful feeling I've ever felt. These babies weren’t ready! Neither was I!
I got my epidural shortly thereafter. At 11pm my doctor came in to check on me. She said she had been up all night the night before and that she really needed to go back home to sleep….that we didn’t want her there on such little sleep. I was so sad because she had been so cool to us all along and had been such a support. She had taken time at the end her exhausting days to visit with me during her rounds while I was in the hospital…she loved Annaliese and was great to Kermit. She tried to help us come up with names…etc. Now when it was time to deliver she had to go home to sleep. I labored all night and into the morning. At 5 am (now November 18th) I felt the need to push. The nurse said no way, you were a 4 less than an hour ago….I asked her to please just go get somebody to check me…I had to ask a couple of times and she finally did…it was time!!! I was a 10 and ready to go. They wheeled me to the OR where 20 doctors and nurses were…. I’m not even kidding. Dr. M (my doctor) was one of them! =) She got the call and came straight over….5 hours was enough sleep for her she said. What a woman! Dr. H was also there…he had delivered Annaliese so I knew he was good too. There were nurses attending then about 5 doctors and nurses for each baby…add that all up and yep…about 18-20 people. I pushed with all my might to get Adeline out. I think it was about 20 minutes of pushing. At 5:35am Adeline was born. They held her up for me to see then went straight away to the doctors waiting to save her life. She looked like a chubby little cherub. A lot like the way I remember Annaliese looking at birth. I remember saying that I thought she looked like Annaliese. Avrie was transverse so the doctor with the smallest hands (a resident) reached in and grabbed her feet and pulled her out 3 minutes later! Whew! Avrie was so little. She was beat red. TINY and RED! She was also whisked away to the other side of the room where her team of doctors were waiting.
I had done it. I had had a “normal” delivery with no complications just as I had been promised in a blessing I had received. I kept remembering that. God had promised me a normal delivery and I had had one….Now my babies would be blessed to make it and that promise would also be kept.
Dr. H kept going over to where our babies were being worked on to try to give us an update. Adeline’s chest tubes had been placed and fluid was beginning to drain…it was straw colored. That is all we knew. We had no idea that the team of doctors working on her little body didn’t know if they would be able to save her. It was bad.
They wheeled her off to another area of the hospital without saying goodbye. A few minutes later Avrie wheeled by and paused to say goodbye before heading up. It was up to recovery for me.
I didn’t go down to the ICU to see them. I felt the doctors would do better without the blubbering mother over their shoulders. Kermit’s brother Gabe happened to be driving through town with Kermit’s mother to move her out west for the winter. Just as they arrived at the hospital our Bishop showed up as well. The three of them (Kermit, Gabe & Bishop) went down together to see the babies and to give them blessings. I remember asking Kermit to tell me what the blessing said…he said he didn’t remember.
Next it was my turn to go see the babies. Dr. Beverly R. had told us everything they had done to try to save Adeline. (I took comfort in her name. It was a reminder that my Grandma Beverly in heaven was near and caring for my babies as their angel.) Dr. Bev explained that she had placed the chest tubes and had given her air but she had seen Adeline “posture” or show signs of oxygen deprivation and seizure. The fluid was draining. Adeline was the sickest baby in the nursery. Dr. Bev flat out told us she didn’t know if Adeline would make it. They were doing everything they could. Tests were being done to see if they could figure out the cause of the hydrops. Things did not look optimistic.
Kermit and I finally went down to see our girls. No pictures were taken. It felt like too sacred a moment to photograph. Adeline was right at the first bed as you entered nursery 7. A huge oscilating ventilator was shaking her whole body as it pushed tiny puffs of air into her frail lungs. She was on a sedation medication that paralyzed her keeping her from moving. She had an IV that fed her veins straight to her heart. Her knees were up and open like a W. Naked sitting on an open diaper. Tubes from both sides draining fluid little by little. She looked lifeless. She was so pretty. Her skin beautiful. Her chub wasn’t chub though…it was the ademia or swelling from the fluid. She had to live. It was surreal.
Avrie was so little, so red, on no pain medication, wiggle, wiggle, mad. She seemed to respond to my voice. I cried. She wore goggles to cover her eyes, she was under lights for bilirubin. Her legs were like a pincushion. Doctors tried and tried to get a central line in to her premptivley but could never get a good vein. Her ventilator was down her throat as well just with normal air flow rather than like Adeline’s. Avrie looked mad and so uncomfortable. She cried but no sound could be made with the tubes down her throat. She only weighed 3 lbs. 5 oz. 16 inches. Little. Neither girl looked good.
The next day we met again with a different doctor with a new update. Dr. __(Can't remember his name)___ had told us that in the teams had pulled out every trick they knew to help Adeline make it…he said that usually when they have to use these “tricks” as he called them they are able to tell immediately which intervention was the one that makes the difference…in the case of Adeline…they weren’t sure which one of their interventions caused her to turn around. Adeline was rallying beyond belief…stunning all those who had been present at her delivery. We know which intervention it was…her blessing. Though Kermit doesn’t remember the words he uttered in her blessing…he remembered that he felt she would be healed. She indeed was on her way.
It wasn’t more than a few days before Adeline was taken off the oscillator ventilator and moved to a nasal canula. It was a few weeks before she could be held due to the chest tubes….finally they came out and she was able to be held. She was getting stronger day by day. She was passing Avrie up in breathing and before long eating. She was started off on Portagen…a formula easier to digest than breast milk. Tests came back…no cause for the hydrops could be found. No evidence in brain scans of seizure, her heart strong, this little girl was strong and going to make it!
Avrie plugged away…breathing was never easy for her, eating never easy, keeping warm wasn’t easy. She was little. She wasn’t ready to be born but had to make due. One thing every nurse that cared for her said…this little girl is a wiggler! YES, I know! My ribs would agree! Every visit to the hospital Avrie always greeted us with wide eyes busy checking us out. Adeline was always asleep. The same is true today…Adeline my good sleeper…Avrie too busy looking around to sleep! =)
One day they were off their “ohio beds” and in to an incubator! =) There for a few weeks and then into open cribs! They were being fed every 3 hours around the clock. They were both now on Breast milk but bottle fed. What ever they couldn’t finish they would tube the rest through their NG tube (Nose). I would pump milk at home and bring it in to the hospital each day. Each day I would visit for a couple of hours. Hold each baby an hour each then go home. It was so hard. I felt the need to be there all day but just couldn’t. Annaliese needed me at home too. I was so worried I would have babies that were emotionless because their mommy couldn’t be there the way others mommies could be. I think I missed one day in 8 weeks…I couldn’t handle not seeing them….I had to go everyday. What mom wouldn’t.
Its late right now..I’m exhausted…but I wanted to get some of this documented before another 7 months slips away. I feel so blessed to have these dear babies. Its been a challenge everyday but one I am grateful for. Twins isn’t easy but is happy. I love these girls with all my heart. I thank the Lord for their safe arrival to our family. The priesthood is real and we have been blessed by its power. "
I know that God hears and answers prayers. Thank you so much to our family and friends who prayed continually for their recovery and our comfort. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
5 comments:
oh Alison, I remember this like it was yesterday. I can remember fasting while I was pregnant, because I just could not imagine what you were all going through. I also remember all the conversations I had with your mom. I knew it had to be so hard, but I really didn't know until my little stint with Paxton in September. I honeslty thought about you every single day. That nicu is not a fun place. I am so happy your girls are so healthy and beautiful. They could not have a better mom on this earth.
Alison...I'm in tears. What an amazing post. I remember Meg keeping me updated and we prayed for you constantly. As Terica stated, until I had children of my own in the NICU I couldn't comprehend what you were going through. I admire your strength and faith through what was undoubtedly such a difficult time in your lives. Your girls are beautiful miracles and I always look to your family as a wonderful example. We love you guys and wish your beautiful Adeline and Avrie a Happy 3rd Birthday!
I cant believe it's been three years. I swear this all just happened. I just love these little twins and I love being their auntie Erin. I loved going out there to help you the minute they got home. I enjoyed being tired with you feeding and changing feeding and changing more diapers. These girls are truly heaven sent. I just love them. Happy birthday girls.
What an amazing story of strengh and faith. Heaven sent, that's for sure and meant to be in your arms. What beautiful angels they are.
I am so glad you posted this from your journal. And..Of course I'm crying. But, it's so easy to forget how sick the twins were because they are so healthy and beautiful and wild and sweet and.... What a great and wonderful blessing they are to our family and what a wonderful blessing the priesthood is. Isn't it amazing...motherhood and children?
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